I’m Sorry.

 

Current Weight – 105lbs

I’m sorry for not posting for quite a while. I know some of you have been quite worried and for that I am really sorry. I’ve been at the rock bottom of the bipolar and have been unable to write, speak, work and eat. As you can see my weight has dropped due to the stress and in general, the depression.

Oh god.. someone help me. Please, please help me. I know my psychiatrist quite deservedly needed a holiday, but why now. For four, ever so long, weeks. I have nothing. I need him so so much and he isn’t here. I hate being so dependant on him and so absolutely pathetic but when things feel this bad you need somebody, anybody to just be there. It just feels like nothingness. Empty, unconscious, estranged, delusional, like looking through frosted glass, numb, entire nothingness. When inner life is transfixingly still rather than transfixingly busy. Every movement is like pushing every single muscle through quicksand. Slowly sinking whilst desperately trying to climb to the surface. Why is life so god damn hard?

I have so much more to say to you all but for now, as my brain isn’t quite becoming all that functional yet, it will have to wait. But, to make it up to you I shall list some songs that may be of interest. Some of them aren’t my usual listening choices but the words mean something to so many of us that I feel the need put them here.

All my love,
Jessica x

The Songs

Saviour – Rise Against (chorus has great lyrics)

Speeding Cars – Imogen Heap

End of the World – Skeeter Davis

Someone I Once Knew – Dead Celebrity Status

Sophie – Eleanor Mcevoy

Asleep – The Smiths

Possibility – Lykke Li

Satellite Heart – Anya Marina

That will do for now.

5 Responses to “I’m Sorry.”

  1. Someone I Once Knew – Dead Celebrity Status I <3 sadly to say. I know what your saying about the Bipolar and the DEEP DEPRESSION and SUICIDAL thoughts you get it's SUCK.
    Hang in there Jess

  2. I really like the song suggestions. Stay Strong <3

  3. is anyone filling in for him while he’s gone? i’m positive that your not the only one of his patients who feels that way!

    just hold on. keep listening to your music. maybe try to watch a funny movie? he’ll be back.

    i wish i could help more.

    • Nope, no one is filling in. I swear that I am most dependant on him though, as I have infact met some of his other patients and they never seem to rely on him as much as I do :(

      Thankyou, that is what I try to do. As my grandad often says, “Music is what cures the soul”. <3

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