Current weight – 93lbs

Sometimes I wonder whether my eating disorder is just one vice out of many. Smoking, purging, starving, cutting, drinking. Why do I choose ones that are so detrimental to my health?? Why can I not have a vice like simply gardening, tidying or keeping fit? Do I like to damage or is healthy and normal simply boring? Surely I could reach some sort of balance instead of the bad entirely outweighing the (non-existant) good.

I think I’m just a tad messed up :)


J <3


4 Responses to “Vice?”

  1. God, you are so right. I can sympathize totally. There is something more alluring about the bad side of life even if it is much more damaging in the long run. Please keep writing, I have been following your blog for a long time and it’s amazing. Lots of love Scarlett xx

  2. I’m intrigued by your post. I’ve had plenty of damaging addictions in the past, and I know exactly what you mean about thinking the ‘normal’ side of it all is ‘boring’.

    Maybe it’s because I’m obsessed with 1960’s rock,and the culture in general, but I read a lot of info and memoirs from that time period and can’t help but think that, compared to them, I’ve never had a chance to really live.

    I mean, I’m well educated, I know drugs are bad and promiscuous sex is dangerous. But they’re also fun. Danger is fun. (That’s why we love the bad boys.)

    Do you ever feel like you’re living in the wrong time period? I feel like I would ‘fit-in’ more if I were born 30 years earlier.

    I know this is a bit of a tangent from your post, but I feel like it all goes together. By refusing to be ‘normal’ we become more interesting. (I think, at least) And I just envy the people who got to live in a time when being different, and crazy, and interesting was more appreciated.

    • Thankyou so much for your comment. I understand exactly what you mean when you say that you should of been born 30 years earlier. I feel exactly the same way.

      I often get jealous that I wasn’t alive when my parents were. Their era seemed so much more alluring. And yes, danger is exciting. “By refusing to be ‘normal’ we become more interesting.” I agree entirely. I think it is true. You just have to find the people that, as you say, appreciate the interesting.


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