Archive for Music

Here We Go Again.

Posted in Ana, Mia & Moi with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 13, 2011 by PoisonedShadow

They have referred me to the ed services. I’m dreading it. My relationship has fallen through the floor, my thoughts have started to speed up again and my life feels like it’s literally falling apart. And guess what? I know exactly what to do when that starts to happen! Control my food. I have to start restricting again. It makes everything better (TEMPORARILY.. shhh). I’ll make it work. God, I wish I knew what to do to fix the shattered heart though. Give it time, a lot of time I suppose. I wish there was a quicker route, say like move to another country? Urghh.

I have fallen in love with a few songs recently that I keep repeating on my ipod over and over.  Sometimes, music is addictive. Jamelia by Caribou is one of those addictive songs along with the Frankmusik – Completely Me Acoustic album.

I’ve had a number of new subscribers recently and I was wondering if there were any topics that anyone would like me to talk about or discuss, or any information that you’d like, or any questions in general? Let me know :)


All my love,

Jessica x


“The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.”

-Henry David Thoreau

Protected: Pictures From London.

Posted in Ana, Mia & Moi with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 6, 2010 by PoisonedShadow

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I’m Sorry.

Posted in Ana, Mia & Moi with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 26, 2010 by PoisonedShadow


Current Weight – 105lbs

I’m sorry for not posting for quite a while. I know some of you have been quite worried and for that I am really sorry. I’ve been at the rock bottom of the bipolar and have been unable to write, speak, work and eat. As you can see my weight has dropped due to the stress and in general, the depression.

Oh god.. someone help me. Please, please help me. I know my psychiatrist quite deservedly needed a holiday, but why now. For four, ever so long, weeks. I have nothing. I need him so so much and he isn’t here. I hate being so dependant on him and so absolutely pathetic but when things feel this bad you need somebody, anybody to just be there. It just feels like nothingness. Empty, unconscious, estranged, delusional, like looking through frosted glass, numb, entire nothingness. When inner life is transfixingly still rather than transfixingly busy. Every movement is like pushing every single muscle through quicksand. Slowly sinking whilst desperately trying to climb to the surface. Why is life so god damn hard?

I have so much more to say to you all but for now, as my brain isn’t quite becoming all that functional yet, it will have to wait. But, to make it up to you I shall list some songs that may be of interest. Some of them aren’t my usual listening choices but the words mean something to so many of us that I feel the need put them here.

All my love,
Jessica x

The Songs

Saviour – Rise Against (chorus has great lyrics)

Speeding Cars – Imogen Heap

End of the World – Skeeter Davis

Someone I Once Knew – Dead Celebrity Status

Sophie – Eleanor Mcevoy

Asleep – The Smiths

Possibility – Lykke Li

Satellite Heart – Anya Marina

That will do for now.