Archive for Relationships

Here We Go Again.

Posted in Ana, Mia & Moi with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 13, 2011 by PoisonedShadow

They have referred me to the ed services. I’m dreading it. My relationship has fallen through the floor, my thoughts have started to speed up again and my life feels like it’s literally falling apart. And guess what? I know exactly what to do when that starts to happen! Control my food. I have to start restricting again. It makes everything better (TEMPORARILY.. shhh). I’ll make it work. God, I wish I knew what to do to fix the shattered heart though. Give it time, a lot of time I suppose. I wish there was a quicker route, say like move to another country? Urghh.

I have fallen in love with a few songs recently that I keep repeating on my ipod over and over.  Sometimes, music is addictive. Jamelia by Caribou is one of those addictive songs along with the Frankmusik – Completely Me Acoustic album.

I’ve had a number of new subscribers recently and I was wondering if there were any topics that anyone would like me to talk about or discuss, or any information that you’d like, or any questions in general? Let me know :)


All my love,

Jessica x


“The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.”

-Henry David Thoreau


Posted in Ana, Mia & Moi with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 14, 2010 by PoisonedShadow

 Current Weight – 89lbs!

Yes! I’m finally in the 80’s!! I’m really pleased with myself. :)

However, I keep waking up with bruises. I don’t get it? I wake up and I have big old bruises all over my hips and back. Why? I haven’t beaten myself up during the night and my mattress has 8cm memory foam in it so it isn’t because the mattress is too hard. Nevermind. The guy that I’m going to stay with on the 18th is soo lovely but I’m getting really bad jitters and am thinking about backing out even though I don’t want to. Thing is, when I stay with him in Cambridge I know what’s expected. If you know what I mean. I’m still really uncomfortable about people seeing my body and I’m terrified that he’ll look at me and think, ‘That’s discusting’. Nightmare.

Hope you’re all having a ball.

Love <3

So Much.

Posted in Ana, Mia & Moi with tags , , , , , , , , , , on November 9, 2010 by PoisonedShadow

 I’m going to stay with a guy friend in cambridge on the 18th for a few days. I’m terrified. Whenever guys get close to me or say that they like me I always freak out and push them away even if I really like them back. Urghhh. It’s so irritating. I just automatically repel guys the minute they decide they are interested in something more which is often mutual but can I just be normal???!!! No. I say, “Go out with that other girl that fancies you, you’ll be much better together”. I don’t mean it but I say it regardless. I ruin the majority of chances that I get so often that I have decided to make an early new years resolution where I have to accept it if a guy likes me and give it every opportunity to work. I will do it. I will.


Jessica xox